Joy, laughter and trials fill the Apted family’s adoption story. The international union led to an outreach that provides assistance to more vulnerable people in Uganda.
We met in a guesthouse lobby on a hot January afternoon in Uganda, with laughter, tears and lingering hugs. It seemed surreal that after so many years of waiting, my husband Donnie and I could finally hold our new daughter, Violet. There would be more months of paperwork and legalese before it was finalized, but there, under the blazing African sun, our days were filled with the joy of discovering our new lives together. We bonded over Disney movies and Barbie dolls, plates of tilapia and matooke, fresh mangos and avocados plucked straight off the tree. We swam, played and made jewelry. These are golden memories.
Even so, international adoption is not for the weak. It’s filled with hellos and goodbyes and more patience-building than one could imagine. For Violet, who bravely hopped on a plane to start her new life in America at the tender age of 12, the struggles began after the joyous airport reunion that May. She met her new brothers, Zach, Eli and Jonah, along with many of our friends, but communication proved difficult. “The language barrier was tough,” she said. Although English is the official language of Uganda and children learn it at school, their primary communication takes the form of their tribal language, in her case Luganda. “I was trying so hard to make people understand me,” Violet said, “but I kept butchering my words. I always had to repeat myself. It seemed better to stay to myself.” Culturally, Ugandan children are not allowed to complain, so it broke my heart to learn later how much of an ongoing struggle this was for Violet. Yet she almost always maintained a sunny disposition despite the overwhelming task of learning and unlearning the idiosyncrasies of a new culture.
“The unlimited amount of food was a good thing, though,” Violet said with a laugh. “I opened that refrigerator door and couldn’t believe it. I’d gone from having one or two meals a day to this? At boarding school, it was just beans and posho (boiled cornmeal) every day. We only had meat during the holidays. Now I could have it all the time.”
“I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given.”
Violet Apted
She indulged in eggs and chicken for weeks, as if her little body was making up for all the protein she had missed. The kitchen became one of our favorite places. She taught me how to make perfect rice and chapati, her favorite flatbread, and I taught her how to bake and decorate cakes. Violet was also shocked to see that she shared her new home with our dog, Annie. “Dogs in the house?” she said, again through laughter. “Dogs stay outside in Uganda. I was afraid of Annie at first, but she was sweet. She never barked at me or anything. I fell in love with her the next day.” Later, we rescued a smaller dog, Stella, and Violet carried her around in a baby wrap she fashioned from a large scarf. It was quite a lot of progress for a girl who was initially afraid even to touch Annie.
Because Violet arrived at the end of our school year, we enjoyed a long summer off together. It was exactly what we all needed as our family grew from five to six, and she rapidly made new friends at church. In the fall, she joined her brothers in a homeschool-private school hybrid program. We and her teachers were blown away by her work ethic. She arrived several years behind grade level but was determined to catch up; and she did. She graduated in 2021 with all As and Bs and is now in her third year of nursing school. We couldn’t be prouder of the young lady she has become, and her birth family in Uganda feels the same.
There isn’t enough time to explain the complexities that allowed us the privilege of adopting while maintaining contact with Violet’s birth family. Still, it is a unique and beautiful blessing. Her birth mother, Harriet, is my bonus sister, and her siblings are my bonus kids. I even have honorary grandbabies there that call me Jjaja (grandmother). Though the coronavirus pandemic prevented us from returning to Uganda as soon as we wanted, Violet and I returned together in 2024, and that reunion will always be one of my happiest memories. I can’t even express how lovely it is to have family on two sides of the globe, to have the privilege of living this unexpected gift from God. Grateful is not a big enough word, but gratitude requires giving back.
Violet’s brother, Dan, works in the medical field and has always had a heart for the deaf community. Uganda is working to become more accepting of people with disabilities, but it’s also a cultural battle. Deafness, blindness and birth defects are often seen as curses, and it’s not unheard of for people to abandon disabled children at schools or churches and never return for them. Accessibility and job opportunities are also sorely limited or non-existent for differently abled adults, but due to the work of Dan and others, the situation is changing.
We were humbled to learn that Dan had created an NGO with an acronym that used our last name: Advocacy Promoted Through Empowering the Deaf. The APTED Foundation provides sign language classes, advocates with government officials on behalf of the needs and rights of people with disabilities and offers vocational training opportunities. Dan was instrumental in establishing the Sikia Café in Jinja that employs hearing-impaired people. During our 2024 visit, I had the honor of presenting diplomas to graduates of APTED Foundation classes. We also joined Dan at Walukuba West Primary School, one of the few schools that welcomes deaf and disabled children. Dan remains an active mentor there. We brought sodas and snacks, and I showed the special-needs class how to do simple watercolor paintings. They had never painted before, nor had they had a special day set aside for them, so imagine the joy in that room. I cannot wait to return and do it again. It’s an odd thing to have pieces of your heart thousands of miles apart, but that is our family’s current situation.
“I plan to become a travel nurse after I finish my degree,” Violet said. “I want to buy land in Uganda and build cottages there so my family can stay together. I also want it to include the APTED Foundation headquarters. Life is so hard in Uganda. People here don’t understand. I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given. I believe everything happens for a reason.”
In her book, “Out of Africa,” author Isak Denisen wrote, “When I was a young girl, it was very far from my thoughts to go to Africa, nor did I dream then that an African farm should be the place in which I should be perfectly happy.” That’s exactly how I feel, and I don’t even like hot weather. However, our purpose and our connections in Uganda call to us daily, and it will be an honor and a pleasure to continue on this path God created.
Join us on our journey. We have handmade Ugandan items for sale and welcome new fundraising opportunities. Learn more about the APTED Foundation by following us on Facebook.
Click here to read more stories by Kari Apted.
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