Charles and Amma Gaither's sprawling home sits on a large corner lot in Oxford, surrounded by manicured landscaping and massive shade trees. The wide driveway hints at the many cars that are often parked there, and the paint looks comfortably worn, making it easy to imagine the scores of happy children running in and out across the years.
Charles was born and raised in Oxford, while Amma moved to the area from Morgan County in her teens. They are both 86 and have been married for 67 of those years. Amma was one of seven siblings, and Charles was one of five, so it felt natural for them to raise a big family, too. The couple was blessed with eight children who went on to produce 21 grandchildren, 36 great-grandchildren and three great-great-grandchildren. Sadly, the Gaithers have lost three of their five daughters, one to ovarian cancer, one to lupus complications and one so violently that it changed the entire family's story.
"Love overrides everything else." — Amma Gaither
For a time, the Gaithers' eldest daughter, Cynthia, was happily married. She and her husband followed their parents' legacy of raising large families, as they had eight children together, adding to the daughter Cynthia already had from a previous relationship, Shawonna, who recalls joyful times with her stepfather.
"He was my stepfather, but he didn't treat me any different than his biological kids," Shawonna said. "He took all of us kids everywhere. Every Christmas, we would go see the Rich's Christmas tree. I remember he cut a big racetrack around his yard for our go-karts." Her stepfather held down a good job, and though there were nine kids to which to tend, Shawonna and her younger sister, Alexis, describe a childhood where they never went without anything. "We had the first Atari, Sega [and] Nintendo when other people still didn't have a clue," Alexis said. "That's the man that people saw."
Shawonna remembers when circumstances started to change. "At some point, he started using drugs," she said. "This was in the 80s, at the height of the crack epidemic." As her stepfather's addiction spiraled, the situation became chaotic. He grew angry, unpredictable and abusive. "Eventually, it got really bad. He was stealing things, typical addict behavior," Shawonna said. "He went in and out of rehabs. He would never stay long enough to get better." Amma agreed. "He changed once he got on drugs," she said. "Before that, you wouldn't know someone better than [him]."
On the evening of Sept. 3, 1992, he showed up unexpectedly at the Gaithers' home. Shawonna was 14 and lived with her grandparents at the time. She recalls her stepfather being agitated and making threats toward Cynthia, but he eventually left. The following day was her high school's first football game, and Cynthia had promised to be there to see Shawonna perform with the band. Around midday, a hall monitor came to get her from class.
"I got to the office, and the principal said I needed to go with this man who was there to pick me up," Shawonna said. "When we drove up the scene, there were people everywhere, standing in the street, crying and upset. Nobody told me what happened, but I just knew. I knew it was my mom."
Shawonna saw Amma and Charles sitting at the top of the hill, her little sister Alexis clutching Cynthia's shoe in her arms. The elder Gaithers had already been there an hour or more, having dropped everything when another daughter had called to tell them to come quickly. Police would not let them near the scene initially. "I saw the van and her body on the street, covered with a sheet," Amma said. In a sudden fit of rage, Shawonna's stepfather had run over Cynthia while driving his mother's van. When he saw that she was still alive, he backed up and ran over her again, delivering the fatal blow.
Despite his outburst the night before, the Gaithers struggled to fathom that his rage had consumed him enough to murder Cynthia in front of his children and his mother. Alexis was only 4 years old at the time and was inside the van with her younger siblings as the violent act occurred. She prefers not to think about that day. Alexis describes her father as someone people did not know as well as they thought they did. "He had a mean streak that people didn't know about because he was always so charming and good-looking," she said. As the family reeled with shock, the community came out in full force to provide support. Rev. Hezekiah Benton of Bethlehem Baptist Church prayed over them as they gathered in the street. The kids' teachers visited in a concerted effort to offer comfort. The band booster club parents brought food from the football concession stand that night. The Gaithers found themselves surrounded by love and provision.
"Everybody was bringing food," Charles said. "The City of Covington police and Newton sheriff's deputies came over. It felt like all of Newton County turned out for us. If there had been GoFundMe back then, we'd have been millionaires."
Support continued for months, as the Gaithers adjusted to having all nine grandchildren in their home. Bunk beds lined the walls of three bedrooms, and the bonus room became another bedroom. During the holidays, the community showered the children with gifts, not just the first year but for many years after. "We couldn't even walk into the living room for all the presents," Charles said. "We received so many bicycles [that] we had to give some of them away."
The family credits Cynthia's sister, Ann, for getting everyone on a schedule and keeping life running smoothly in the four-bedroom, two-bathroom house. "Aunt Ann ran a tight ship," Shawonna said. Charles admitted to being somewhat intimidated by Ann's firm organizational skills. However, they were necessary, as the Gaithers not only made room for Cynthia's children but for the other grandchildren they helped raise.
"We had meal schedules, bathroom schedules and shower schedules," Shawonna said. "She would cook, and we would eat in shifts. Daddy (Charles) and the boys would eat, then we'd feed the little kids, clean up the dishes and then we older kids would eat. Then somebody would go bathe the kids. Then we would do homework."
Saturdays were for cleaning, with the girls doing many of the indoor tasks and Charles directing the boys in yard work. Sundays were for worship. The entire family gathered at Rust Chapel United Methodist Church, as it had for decades. The Gaithers take pride in their resilient family and in how Cynthia's nine children have chosen decent paths in life.
“I look at the nine of us now, and where we are is amazing," Shawonna said. "Yes, each of us has had our own struggles, but we are all living a better life than what we saw. We're able to do that because of how Mama (Amma) and Daddy raised us.”
Shawonna remains grateful to the aunts and uncles who were always there to help the Gaithers care for their grandchildren. With their strong spiritual roots and the passage of time, all nine of Cynthia's children managed to forgive the man who took their mother away from them. Alexis admitted that the process was not easy but believes it was necessary for their emotional well-being. "He never explained why he did it, and he has never said he was sorry," she said, emphasizing that forgiveness proves more difficult in the absence of an apology. He served over 20 years in prison for his crime. Remarkably, his mother continues to be one of Amma's closest friends.
"Love overrides everything else," Amma said, pointing out that her family members still talk and see each other on a daily basis. "We believe in family," Shawonna concurred. "This house has never been just us," she said. "Everybody wants to be a part of this family. We do everything together. That's the beautiful part about it. No one has ever had to face anything alone."
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